As parents we need to encourage their asking ability. One day they’ll be asking for a job, asking for a raise and asking for a hand in marriage.
When you discourage your child’s asking ability, you actually tear down their confidence in later years.
Studies show that one of our biggest fears is rejection. So we must teach our kids it’s ok to ask for everything you want, you’re not always going to get it, but you should still ask.
My daughter’s favorite saying is “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!”
Basically, I tell my kids if you don’t ask you don’t get! And what’s the worst thing that will happen?
You have a 50-50 chance of a yes, and if you ask the right way, it raises the percentage drastically.
As the parent you can still say No and make it a win-win for both.
(Before I go on, please know this was a hard one for me, I was taught you don’t ask… you wait for someone to offer, or ask you. You wait until someone asks you over for dinner, to hang out, and so on)
My son used to ask his friend’s parents if he could come over for lunches, dinner, have a sleep over, and they always said yes. I would cringe, and then apologize for him asking. They would say I love that he wants to be with us and likes my cooking.
Slowly I started to get over it. And when he would ask me for something that wasn’t possible I would say, “You’re an incredible asker, its not gonna happen right now, but don’t ever stop asking for the things you want!” Surprising enough he would say thanks mom, and walk away.
(Below is one of the segments pulled from our 6-week course The Mommy Code, which is in the final stages of being finished.)
In terms of asking for things, your child doesn’t realize there’re other options besides you & your wallet for the items they want. You have always been the one to provide for your kids.
Eventually you are going to teach your children to provide for themselves! (Future lessons)
Below are typical statements we say to our kids, and an example of a better way of saying it.
Never say… It’s too expensive – Instead – It’s not in the budget this week, but if it’s something you really want then you can use your money, or we can figure out a way for you to start earning your own money to buy the items you want.
Never say… We can’t afford it – Even though this may be true, it may also be true that you are making a choice to spend your money in other areas. You can say…We’re only spending on things that we really need right now, we are choosing to save our money for… a house, car, save in the bank, and so on.
Never say… You don’t deserve that – This is an extremely demeaning statement. You can easily say … if it’s something you really want lets get creative and figure out a way you can start earning some money.
Never say… You don’t need that – Once again, you can say, yes you can have that if you want it, but you need to use your own money.
- Never say… what do you think money grows on trees.
- Never say… money is hard to come by.
- Never say… money goes out faster than it comes in.
- Never say… We don’t have enough money.
- Instead say…
- It’s not in the budget this week
- We choose to not spend money on that
- We would rather save right now then spend
- If that is something you really want then let’s figure out a way for you to earn money to save for it, or you can use your own money.
- Of course you can have that but you need to use your own money.
This creates an opportunity and leaves it open for the child to be creative to think of ways to get what they want, or to make a choice to work for it or not.
Important: We have a choice with what we spend our money on. You are teaching your children that spending money is about making choices.
Special Note – “YOU” I found over the years that when using the word “You” in a statement can put the other person on the defensive, and make them feel like you are attacking them in a small way. Think about it for a minute. You didn’t do this the way I asked you to… instead say, “I feel this wasn’t done how I would like it to be done.
Below is an activity for you.
This will give you have a blueprint of what to say in a positive way!
Click to Print #2 Stop The Negative Talk
The Related articles below give you other ideas on how to talk to your kids about money.
Do you remember what you were taught about money as a child?